1 Garret falls forward, going limp, and the black cloud streams out of him. "Now for the hard bit...", murmurs Bavin, and looks across Pub Time to where Shane is conducting the other prong of the attack. "Yes", he says in clear ringing tones, "You are real, _Garret_!" *NOTTRUENOTTRUENOTTRUE* The cloud shudders, then seems to shrink inward, growing smaller and smaller. *IAMREALAMREALAMREAL* Glimmering threads of power snake outward from inside the thing and wrap themselves around Garret, as the power Astaaroth has stolen from him settles back into it's rightful place. He starts looking a lot better. Astaaroth's screaming becomes fainter and fainter, as it looses its means of existence, and it gets smaller and smaller, until it's just a wisp of darkness. A weak, pathetic thought drifts from it into Shane and Bavin's minds. *How did you know...* The rift suddenly flares outward, disgorging Karieta, Aetna, Rhiannon, and Gegi, all of them, for some reason, are soaking wet. Then it dwindles down and vanishes completely. Shane smiles. Speaks a name... "...I bind thee." The blood on the blade glows with an intense white light for an instant and the remains of Astaroth are drawn into it with a last mental scream. Garret gets up, crosses the room, and throws his arms around Rhiannon, looking *incredibly* relieved. "Is everybody okay?" asks Shane. "What exactly was that all about?" Gegi still looks a bit dazed but manages to pull herself back into her own head. "Yeah, we're okay." She pokes Rhiannon to get her attention and hands a small object back to her. "There you go. It did work, though." Shane goes to his bag and puts the knife in it, removing some bandages which he wraps his hand in. "What did you do to your hand? What were you all doing out here?" Gegi asks. Astarial nods to her in greeting. <* Trying to get you back, for the most part. Glad t'see you're all right, if a bit wet. *> She smiles. <* I have a rather handy drying charm somewhere, if you'd like it? *> She casts a sorrowful look at her dripping backpack. <*Could you? I have books in there... I'd really hate to have to throw them out... *> He reaches into an inside pocket of his robe, and pulls out an amulet which he hands to her. It's a small red crystal disc, the top of which has been carved with an intricate pattern of hexagonal runes. The underside is blank. <* You trace the central rune with a finger to activate it. *> As soon as Gegi activates the amulet, it begins to glow slightly and feel warm to the touch. Simultaneously, the water begins to evaporate from her with astonishing rapidity, in a plume of steam, leaving her completely dry within a few seconds. As soon as she's dry, she goes into her backpack to check the paper items for damage... Switching back to the rest of the room, "Has anyone fixed Chloe yet?" 2 Chloe fumbles around on the bar behind her, looking for a weapon. Her hand brushes across the small dragon that has climbed off Illyana's shoulder. The little dragon makes a "Growlf!" sound. Feeling something move, Chloe looks shocked and confused, but for once not frightened. She reaches out an exploratory hand towards him. "Is that.. a.. a dog?" "No it's a dragon." Illyana says, distracted. "A dragon?" Chloe would giggle if it wasn't such an inappropriate time. She tries to touch Rustarin, if he lets her. "Real?" Illyana glances over her shoulder and sees Chloe, the knife and Rustarin. "Chloe, put the knife down." She nods obediently and puts the knife by her side, pointing downwards. Various people then help to convince her that she has been enchanted, probably by the mysterious Dark Lady. Chloe looks to be debating something silently for a long moment, then softly says to Karieta, "The crystal will bring that lady back, miss." Her face hardens. "I...see. Well, let's save that for a last resort, shall we?" Chloe looks ambivalent. "I think... she said she would be back for me.. but if I needed her sooner, then.. well, that's what the crystal is for. But she said she'd be back... Can you get rid of the taint, too? I don't want the garou to... whatever it is they do." "We all try to help. That what we do." Illyana breaks in. Her voice drops to a whisper, "and these Garou are different. They all want to clean us. Like I don't bathe enough." "Well I certainly don't want to be tainted if it means demons thinking I'm an easy target and werewolves thinking I'm devil-spawn needing to be eaten, would you? I'm pretty sure... well, I think clean means..." it's pretty obvious that she doesn't believe she knows what she's talking about, "Getting the blackness out of your aura. That sounds like a good thing, doesn't it?" "I not sure they want help," Illyana says suspiciously. "They try to kill me because I tainted. Not cleanse." For a moment, Chloe regards those surrounding her a bit distrustfully, but shakes her head, dismissing the thought, partially. "Maybe... maybe they didn't know you wanted help?" She leans close to Illyana's ear and whispers, "You do think they want to help, don't you Illyana?" "Rowan does, She is a healer." Illyana frowns, "I asked once, and they talk about dunking in Molten Silver." Illyana shudders, "I not want to become statue without taint, rather be girl with taint." "Molten silver??" Chloe stares at Illyana for a moment, seeing if she's serious, then suddenly cries out, "Ereb--" but stops, and looks like she doesn't know why she said that. "I don't see how anyone could survive that." Her eyes dart momentarily to Mahri. "I think I too would rather be alive and tainted." "Da, besides, if taint not something we did ourselves, then why we should suffer?" Chloe takes on the tone of one trying to rationalize something to the world and herself, "Right, just because our aura is a little black, if we still hold our values and conscience intact, we're not evil." After a moments thought, "But that would only work if people, Garou and Kindred and whathaveyou, could discern between tainted auras and evil beings." She glances around, "It's obvious that people here are willing to ask questions first, pull big knives... well most people... pull big knives later.." 3 Garret is thrown out of the rift, repossessed, and then abandoned. After a moment's recovery from the mind screeching, Chloe looks back up to see this new developement. Turning back and forth between Garret and the shadow, trying to decide where to start, she finally decides to try Garret again. Whispering, "Garret, your debt that you spoke of, what.. what is it?" "Urrrgh..." His eyes flutter open. "Escape...I needed to be free..." Then to the shadow, putting on her best I'm-not-afraid-of-you expression and tone, "Why are you doing this to all of us?" At this point, Bavin names Astaaroth, who withers away to a wisp of shadow, and Garret's stolen power returns. Back to Garret. Chloe asks, "This is... all of this... is him, his fault?" Looking much better, the mage gets shakily to his feet. "No. It's mine." The victims of the rift reappear. Illyana stops short of hugging Gegi, "You wet," She points out, stating the obvious. She smiles. "I fell in a nasty black ocean and had a demon yell at me. Normal day's work, I suppose... luckily for me Rhiannon can walk on water." Illyana nods. "I miss you." She blinks, with the obvious 'Aw... I would hug you if I weren't soaking wet...' percolating through her thoughts. "Were we gone long? Did we miss anything?" "What was that all about?" asks Shane. Garret doesn't answer at first. "Sins of the past." "Take your time." Garret sighs and lets go of Rhiannon, then runs his hands through his sweat-matted hair. "It was a long time ago...do you remember me telling Frederick about my one experiment with Technomagick?" He turns to Gegi. "And do you remember me asking you about that episode of the Twilight Zone?" She takes a minute reordering thought patterns. "Your problem with time that you don't generally care to talk about?" "Yeah," he says, with visible reluctance. He sighs and sits down. "I was very young, and very stupid. The two normally go together. And I've already told most of you about...some of the things I did then. In addition, I also sometimes took really stupid risks, probably because I really wanted to die." Gegi does not reaction to this statement. Which is strange. He squirms uncomfortably in his seat, and refuses to look at anyone. She merely watches. "At that time, Alberon, my mentor, had just died, probably at a time when I needed guidance most. There were times when he really held me back and protected me from my own angry, destructive impulses." He makes a dismissive motion with his hand. "Anyway, it was after Alberon died that I just gave in to my anger...did awful things. One of the technocrats I murdered had some sort of experimental device...I didn't know he was a chrononaut at the time. I took the thing to a friend who told me it was an experimental time-travel talisman." Garret smiles crookedly. "So I got a really stupid idea." "Where... when... did you try to go?" He smiles humorlessly. "I decided to go back and stop my parents from being murdered." And that finally gets a reaction. Her voice softens. "What happened?" He shrugs tiredly. "I figured if it worked, my parents wouldn't die and I wouldn't be so full of hate I could barely live with myself, and if it didn't, I'd probably die and wouldn't need to worry about being in pain anymore anyway." "Paradox ate me for lunch. The device exploded from the feedback, and reality was so traumatized by the way I'd fucked with it that a large chunk of it broke off with me in it and spiraled out into the deep umbra, forming a paradox realm. A paradox realm where everyone on earth was frozen in time except me. A realm full of silent statue-like people who could neither hear me or respond." His mouth quirks. "I don't know whether you've noticed yet, but I'm a rather social creature. After several months of entrapment, I started losing my mind because I was all alone with my hate and pain, with nowhere to vent it, so it just started building up and eating me alive." She reaches out to gently lay her fingertips on his shoulder, projecting love and reassurance. "And then?" "And then Astaaroth showed up and offered me a deal. To be honest with you, the only term I either listened to or cared about was that he'd let me loose. I didn't care what I had to give. And he took advantage of that. He took part of my power...the potential to work Time magick, then covered up the loss by planing fear of that form of sorcery in my head, then erased my memory of the entire affair. I think he wanted to wait until my magick was more powerful before he took my soul." She continues sending gentle waves of support. "But you're free of him now?" He frowns. "No. The truth is, I still owe him something, and until I pay, he's still got a claim on me, even if he can't collect." He looks up at her. "Let that be your first lesson on the path, Gegi. You *never* get something for nothing." "TANSTAAFL," she mutters. "You and I pay for every scrap power and knowledge we get, and the currency we use is everything from our blood to our souls. Sometimes the hardest descision to make is how much you're willing to pay to get what you want...and whether or not it was worth it afterwards." She flinches. "I said no. I -did- say no. It wouldn't be a true temptation if you didn't think about it... but I said no and I found another way. And what happened before wasn't my fault, I didn't know what I was doing. It wasn't my fault." Her gaze wanders to Chloe. 4 For a moment, Chloe regards those surrounding her a bit distrustfully, but shakes her head, dismissing the thought, partially. "Maybe... maybe they didn't know you wanted help?" She leans close to Illyana's ear and whispers, "You do think they want to help, don't you Illyana?" The bane reaches up to tap Chloe's knee with his beak. "Clean...cleani...cleansing is _killing_ yes?" Her eyes widen at this as she looks down at the bane. "N-no, no.. no she said it wasn't the only way, no..." Looking up towards Mahri, "Yes?" "Killing," says the bane firmly. "Killing cutting out slicing sharp swords cold fang power. Kill cut away dark hearts." "Cut out dark hearts... cut out the dark parts, yes. The witchery, the nightmares, the monsters... kill that part and leave me, cleansed, yes?" It peers up at her with concern in its eyes. "Cleaning with flames and blood and cold fang swords. Sending to burn char seared scream and burn and twist writhing in flame fires. Dead long long dying with screams. No aura no black no taint. Their clean cleansing." The bane caresses her leg with a wingtip. It looks up sorrowfully. "Pretty one. Burning." Chloe bends down to the bane's level, her grip retensing around the knife. "Burning.. like her blue flames... No black no taint after long dying with screams, me? Or the demons, the demons!" She frowns and tries to meet Watcher's eyes, her voice choking on tears "Burning, screaming... not the only way, please?" "Blue hotcold fires yes!" The bane nods. "Before. Burned me over there not touching no still hurt pain burning." Watcher strokes Chloe's leg again, staring at it. "No black no not after. Only b..body..bones white no no not. Black burned black bones broken crack charredcoals?" The wing strokes Chloe's skin again. "Soft soft yes no no blistered burned twisted down down away peels nothing only bones. Poor poor pretty one lost lost lost nothing left only only yes screams screamings lots lots long to rememember. But cleaned." The bane looks up into Chloe's tear-filled eyes. "Oh yes very very very cleansed. Their way." "No, well yes some of their way. Some of them. There are others, the others here... Why would they go through all this so gently, and then burn... " her eyes drift away, her tone getting unfocused, "burnt charred broken... it doesn't make sense. Not much of this does, I suppose." Watcher gives a cracked laugh. "Oh yes nothing never ever. Never _there_ taken all away. Sense senses. _He_ does." It whimpers a little. "Take you to her, yes yes down power. No!" Mahri sighs and sits with them. "Chloe," she says, taking Chloe's hand, "this little one is being made to lure you to others like the lady who was here. They want to hurt you. They are making him say it's good and you should go, but it should be obvious to you by this point that he doesn't even think it's good, and he's a part of it, even if unwillingly." Chloe continues to pet the bane. "Yes, but it hurts him to fight it, how can we stop it from hurting whenever it thinks by itself?" "Little easy orders only watch only wait. Failed. My fault." whimpers the bane. "We all fail occassionally. You can redeem yourself now by coming back to the Mother and helping us protect _this_ pretty one. Do for this pretty one what you could not do for the other pretty one." Mahri says. 5 Chloe sits with Karieta, concentrating on the flame of her soul. She feels a gently glowing presence inside her mind, with a smell/feel? of green growing things..... **Chloe? Can you hear me? It's Karieta.** She gives that confused wince of someone not used to and not comfortable with mindspeak. Aloud, "Yes.. yes this is just how she talked.." Something shifts slightly, inside her pattern. **Look at this....this is part of what is causing the problems.** An image/shape floats into her mind....of her soul, a bright white flame, ringed around and around with loose black webbing that seems to be trying to change it. The flame itself is struggling, but it also seems to have something black burning at the heart of it.... Chloe's brow furrows in concentration, she's frowning slightly. **Would you like me to try and change this? Free the flame?** Also aloud, "Yes, it's stifling it.. that's why it's dark and monstrous.." Quickly adding, "You couldn't accidently put out the white flame, though, right?" **That is beyond my ability...I couldn't do it if I tried.** There's a sudden rush of Spirit and Mind from Karieta--almost like water, except it seems to not affect the flame and instead eat away at the webbing, like an acid. The webbing rapidly distintegrates, falling into nothingness--however, the dark ember at the core of the flame still remains. **See?** Chloe nods enthusiastically, her face finally settling into a comforted expression. Whispered, "Thank you.. so much." Her eyelids flutter for a moment, but finally remain closed. Suddenly, though, "It's still black, though... not the netting any more, but do you see the center of the flame?" **Yes. I do. It is puzzling. Can you remember where it came from, or why? It seems to be bound into you, and I am hesitant to touch it for fear of harming the flame.** "I can only imagine it came from the lady, the one who might be some demon.. What does the blackness even mean, is that the taint? Is my vision normal now, though, if I open my eyes?" 6 Switching back to the rest of the room, "Has anyone fixed Chloe yet?" <* Who's Chloe? And why does she need fixing? *> questions Astarial. <* The little blonde over there. Her vision's been cursed and she's going crazy about it. *> He glances over at her. <* Cursed? What by, the demon just now? *> <* No, the woman who was in here earlier. Darkmage. Nephandi, we think. *> <* Before I was here, I think. But you say she was Nephandi? Mages dedicated to the Corruption, like our Children of the Night, yes? Hmmm... *> <* Servants of demons. Not nice folk. *> <* Now -that-'s understatement, even by Eledhrian standards. *> He takes out the monocle-like lens he tried to use earlier, and peers at Chloe through it. Chloe gets the feeling of being watched. She frowns, looking unhappily puzzled. She wraps her arms tightly to her and glances right, then left, then up at the rafters suspiciously. She turns a bit and sees Astarial and his lens, standing right near Gegi. This cannot be a Good Thing. To Gegi, in a desparate whine, "Why won't you leave me be! I haven't done anything to you!" Astarial turns to Chloe and, bowing and kissing her hand, attempts to be at his most charming and, well, trustworthy-looking."I pray your pardon, lady, but we only seek to help. It seems -", he glances at Gegi as he speaks, "that someone is seeking to harm, or corrupt you. I was only finding out what they had done, and am sorry for any discomfort I have caused you." His gentlemanly manner seems to soften her feelings towards him, and she curtsies, if a bit stiffly. Whispering, and turning her head from Gegi a bit, "I know all this, sir, but I believe it is of her doing, or at least part her responsibility. She's friends with demons, or something like that, and the last time she said she wanted to help me, she blinded me." "She doesn't seem particularly diabolic to me... and I believe she mentioned something to me about your vision being cursed? Was there something wrong with it before that? As if the curse on your sight was anything like this other weaving, it'd be quite easy to cause some nasty side-effects in trying to unweave it." (to Gegi) "Might I enquire what you were doing when this blindness happened?" She fires a quick glare at Chloe. "Someone was messing with her head. She was seeing things that weren't there, and seeing the things that were there differently. Feeding some kind of illusions into her mind. So I was trying to break the spell. I'm not quite sure what happened - next thing I knew she was waving a knife in my face, and then the demon from the rift grabbed me." 7 Something is beginning. Michael Edge speaks to a woman whose face is masks and roses. On a quest for inspiration on the backdrop of the sky, beneath the clouds that block the stars and give their light the lie. "Maybe God was right...", he barks sharply in laughter, "Hell of a thing for a demon to say... But maybe we were wrong... Maybe true freedom does come from chains... Heaven knows _I've_ lost all sense of direction..." "'chelle, she's sort of travelling into the past, revisiting everything she's heard of from the rest of us, trying to find some sense of identity, something the rest of us might've lost, but that won't last either and she'll be in the same state..." he shakes his head, "The only thing I can think of is maybe breaking out of here to meet the creator in the hope that it's not just another case of upping the stakes, in the hope that he has some answers... That he's not as adrift as the rest of us..." He points over at the Synthea clone, "Harry and I'd been thinking about it for ages and if Gegi can get in, we think we can probably break out..." The smile that arises seems almost reminiscent of an earlier Edge's, "One last great adventure... One last edge..." Gegi, who has been watching this dialogue in fascinated confusion, shakes her head. "Then you know... who I am? What I am.. was... to here?" She looks down, her fingers twisting nervously. "I don't know what you are anymore. Michael Edge? I thought you'd found your answers. I thought you'd been made whole. I thought you were gone." She looks at Bavin. "And you could. You could get out. Not to true level 1, maybe, but close enough. Close enough to meet your... to meet him. But then what? What if he doesn't have any answers? What then?" "I never said I wasn't scared... Perhaps I can offer him some..." She looks down again. "I don't know what I'd do if she - if any of them - came here. Looked at me. Asked me why. What could I say? That I loved them? That I used them? That I wished to be them? And now here I am, one of you... I think they'd hate me." "Your creator is... I can't. Don't ask. Don't. Let it go." "Don't let it go?", he grins impishly, "I wouldn't dream of it. And I know who he is... An angel in nothing but name..." He laughs and shakes his head, "At times I think we're some kind of twisted mirror images... Him an Angel of Darkness, and I a Demon of Light... I almost feel like he's my evil twin, what I might be had I never `fallen'.", Michael shudders, "Sometimes I feel that my... my mental diversity to put it politely... almost caricatures his own tendencies and resignations... Were I in a twisted mood I might even suppose my present lack of faith implies that he's probably finding his own... Though in what I couldn't begin to imagine." "Sometimes when he sleeps I touch his dreams. Sometimes in moments of idleness I turn his thoughts to mine... We are close enough already, just a pain away.", he smiles at his own pun. The masked woman's smile does move, but it is a sad one. Yelyana taps her glass on Michael's bottle "To your happiness, my friend." He raises the whisky bottle, forgoing the glass, "And to your pain...", his tired fractured eyes meet hers once more, "I envy you the focus...", he adds softly, "I wish we could trade...". Gegi smiles softly. "You want pain? I can give you pain..." He shrugs it off, and stares at the bottle unhappily, "We can hardly talk of happier times... I can't see any possible futures anymore... Do we just sit here in silence and welcome in Oblivion?" "Oblivion or Acension. They were supposed to be the only ways out..." 8 Garret frowns. "No. The truth is, I still owe him something, and until I pay, he's still got a claim on me, even if he can't collect." "Is there something... not harmful... that you could give him, to alleviate the debt? Some way out?" "Do you remember the card Lachesis showed me?" He asks in a low voice. "Yes, there is something I could give." Again she turns to watch Chloe and Karieta, her face unreadable. "Why did he show up now, if all of this between you happened so long ago?" "Was it? Remember, he took the part of my magick that related to time." "Still, there must have been some reason for him to come now and here?" "Possibly. Who understands the mind of a demon?" "I got a chance to float around in his head after he took mine, after all..." He looks up at her. "Let that be your first lesson on the path, Gegi. You *never* get something for nothing. You and I pay for every scrap of power and knowledge we get, and the currency we use is everything from our blood to our souls. Sometimes the hardest descision to make is how much you're willing to pay to get what you want...and whether or not it was worth it afterwards." She flinches. "I said no. I -did- say no. It wouldn't be a true temptation if you didn't think about it... but I said no and I found another way. And what happened before wasn't my fault, I didn't know what I was doing. It wasn't my fault." He shakes his head. "'I didn't know what I was doing' doesn't obviate one's responsibility. I really didn't know what I was doing either, but Astaaroth was certainly going to hold me to it." "I-" she starts, then shakes her head. "Magick requires belief, desire. You can't lose yourself from saying words you didn't understand. That was -not- my fault." This was clearly said to convince herself. And then she sighs. "The darkness that remains does so because I called to it. I invited it. I changed my/her mind, but I did approach him of my own free will." "That's just the thing. You *can* lose yourself saying words you don't understand. The magick doesn't care wether you know what you're doing or not, it's going to hold you to it. And that goes for deals with other entities as well. It sucks, but that's the reality we have to deal with. Often, we're being tested without even realizing it." "Making a deal is one thing. Even if you're not fully aware of the consequences, a deal's a deal. I'm talking about seeing a few words in some unknown language written down and attempting to pronounce them, with absolutely no knowledge of what they might refer to." "I let them in. I -let- them in. And that was my fault. But I also opened myself to the light. I let that in too. I am both. Balanced." She smiles weakly at him. Garret leans back and closes his eyes. "If you really mean that, then I envy you. I'm beginning to think I may not have accepted by dark side as fully as I'd thought." "I never got a chance to tell you what happened over there, did I?" And Gegi explains what passed between worlds, and how her other self came to feel trapped. "And it was at that point in her timeline when the strange dark woman came here and reconnected me to the other me. Giving me all of her memories. Letting me see what was happening to me, and that it was me, and she was about to damn both of us, and I would be reconnected to her at some point, unable to save myself." She waves a hand at Mauritz, Bavin, and Illyana. "But I - this me - knew that she could save herself, if she just found the strength to stand up for herself. When Bavin started to pull me through, she and I connected again.... only this time, she felt some of -my- thoughts. And she turned away from the darkness and insisted on being treated fairly." "The elf took her/me to a holy place... I can't say much about it, but it was filled with the presence of Another. He took her there to be... not cleansed, but balanced, filled with a light to match the darkness... and to teach her to become a mage. And when she saw.... what she saw there, the power filled her, filled us, and pushed me through.... creating me here, real, and separate from her. I know it sounds fantastic, but I think that's how it happened... we saved each other." "I've heard stranger. Being a mage really blows sometimes." he says with a smile. "I wouldn't really know." "You will." "I..." she looks around. "I don't know where to go from here. I have no teacher, no past, no plans. Much as I love the Pub, I don't think I can stay here forever..." 9 "Gabrielle?" asks the radio. "No, hang on..." Hitiko turns. "Gabby! Phone call... er, radio transmission?" Gabby looks up from where she's been with the little girl and slaps herself on the head. She comes over, takes the item, and pops it back into her ear. "Thanks." She then wanders over to a quiet corner to mumble to the air. "Excuse me Gegi", says Hitiko politely, "But that did sound rather like you or Synthea on the other end. Are you quite sure you are not... her?" "It was?" She thinks. "I suppose. My voice always takes me by surprise..." Gabby finishes muttering into the air and walks back. "Looks like I'm heading out... might be back later, I don't know." She looks at the little girl. "Morgan, you take care of Merlin and keep him away from the icky people, okay? Rowan, thanks for the drink... Astarial!" "I hope you find your way home." She turns to Garret, looks about to say something, then shakes her head. "Oh, never mind. I'm sure I'll be back here too quickly to need to make all the goodbyes now..." Gabby nods her head to Gegi and Hitiko, then wanders out the door. Gegi watches her go, then returns her attention to Hitiko. "Now if that were me calling, wouldn't I have known it and been there ready to answer myself? I talk to myself quite a lot, after all... And as for being Syn, of course I am, and of course I'm not." "Maybe you have not called yet, so you would not know you were calling, or something...", and Hitiko makes a (cute) face, "I really do not understand Time." "Time and I had a bit of a falling out. We run together, but we don't quite match up correctly." "Could you please explain how you can both be and not be Synthea? Is it something like cloning?" "Not really..." She hunts around, looking for a way to avoid opening that can of worms here too, and finally brightens. "She's my hobgoblin." 10 Chloe is trying to reason with the bane. She frowns in confusion. "There are two she's, right? Blue eyes, who makes you hurt, and the one you had to follow, right? The first one is evil, blue eyes evil, yes? Think -- think your thoughts, not hers. Blue eyes's fault, she makes you think otherwise, but her fault. She took away your pretty one, yes?" "Only one once one ever ever ever. _Her_. Mine. Watch watch watcher. Always always ever. Her." The bane frowns. "Blue? Yes no no yes..._him_ yes? Her yes no perhaps. Before? Blue? Blue..." Watcher sighs. "Don't can't see remembemer." Chloe gets a wild, frustrated look in her eyes. "Blue eyes! Just here, remember? Blue eyes _her_. Just now, you've forgotten already??" She reconsiders the bane's words, blinks a few times, bites her lip and tries again. "Or _he_ had the blue eyes? And _she_ is your pretty, lost one?" She frowns, "No. _She_ feed you pain." She takes a breath and looks straight at Watcher, desperation in her eyes. She gestures to herself and speaks very slowly. "Chloe...I'm Chloe. And your pretty one, Marie. Calling Moon told you to follow Marie, and you followed her down and round. Then _he_ (Blue Eyes?) hurt her and you watched. But her, Marie, went back to mother and you want to follow, but it'll hurt. Yes?" She sighs and frowns again. "I think I'm still missing a she." "No no no more feed food. Lost lost lost lost her. No power food feeding touch and scream scream. Pain power power hurt pain and power. She fed me kept me touched me. Let me." The bane sighs. "Now now...no none none. Lost tiny small. Hungry ungers hungry. No power." "No power, but no pain. Tis preferable. Power at the cost of pain is not worth it. It's not even power for you, it's a power over you. Follow away from Blue eyes. Back to the first orders, to find your pretty one, but not for her, no more for her." She holds out her hands, palms up, towards the bane. "How can I help?" "Can't find her. Lost lost lost her. Took her _they_ did took away. My fault. Found looked saw finded him. Wanted him she did she did she did. Yes?" The bane looks up at Chloe pitifully. "Wanted him. Only for her. Hurt her. Lost lost lost lost her. Find her?" "Find her, yes. But you have to go away from him. You have to forget about pain and power. I think you have to choose to do that, though. But which she is who?" Mahri sits on the floor next the pair. "Marie is both she's. She fed the Kinfetch on pain after she was taken to the hive... and the other she is the Mother... I think..." "The mother earth that you all protect? If Marie went back to her, why can't the bane just do that, rather shouldn't he _want_ to do that, follow her?" Mahri nods. "If he wants to follow her and find her, he will have to follow her all the way, and that means returning to the Mother. Otherwise, he won't be leaving here." "How does one do that, though, 'return to the mother'? I _think_ it wants to. Especially if Marie would then be there." "A rite of Cleansing. But I don't know the rites myself." She looks around for Aetna. "I think Aetna was planning on performing it." "Cleansing? Oh, miss, it's very frightened of cleansing." As if she's borderline on agreeing, "It thinks it involves cutting out the heart, killing, burning, horrid things like that. It seems it heard things of Erebus and werewolves much like I did." 11 Gegi looks at Astarial, then Chloe, then Karieta, then Chloe again. She suddenly seems very tired. Gegi crosses to Karieta and makes a small bow to get her attention. "Give her back the crystal. It's her right. To make her own decisions. You have to let her choose what to do with it. It's a matter of destiny." After a long pause, Karieta releases Chloe's hand, and drops the scan. She turns to Gegi. "You may be right. However, a decision done in ignorance is not a good one." Chloe opens her eyes, a bit surprised at this new developemnt, and wraps her newly freed arms around herself tightly. "Ignorance, miss? How else could I be, when I ask things of the lady and she doesn't answer, when I ask things of you and you do not answer, and when the only other two who seem to be involved or know something are glaring and/or jumping at me?" Karieta turns back to Chloe. "Chloe. The taint inside of you comes from both within and without--and I cannot identify what it will do. It also seems connected to this crystal, which you have told me will bring back the Dark Lady. I will give you the crystal, but I caution you--evil is not always blatant. It can be very cleverly camoflauged; looking through my perceptions should convince you of that. Be very, very careful of the Dark Lady--or any other who offers you quick power as a route to whatever you desire. It is a sure way to lose your soul." She hands over the crystal, then sits down abruptly, looking pale. Softly, Chloe says, "I don't want power. I want my soul back.." She takes the crystal and, as if it were burning hot, immediately drops it into her pocket. As Karieta hands the crystal to Chloe, Shane hands the knife to Garret, hilt-first. Garret flinches, gives Shane an angry look, then takes the knife. "Very well." His hand is shaking. He looks at it, grits his teeth, and it stops. Lightning quick, he buries the knife point down in the table. "Let's get this over with." He gets up, goes to the Jukebox, and puts in a quarter. A Loreena Mckennit song, "All Soul's Night", starts up. "Bonfires dot the rolling hillsides figures dance around and around shadowed forms in circles of darkness moving to the pagan sound I can see the lights in the distance glowing in the dark cloak of night candles and lanterns are dancing, dancing a waltz on all- All Soul's Night" He walks back towards the table, stripping off his shirt as he does so, revealing the runic Garou scars on his back, as well as the knife sheath on the back of his neck, and two more strapped to his arms, which he removes as well. He shakes his hair out, and begins to dance, slowly and rythmically, making circles around the table. As he completes the ninth circle, a wisp of blackness escapes from the dagger. Then another, and another, and another. Slowly, the smokelike bits of shadow coalesce into a cloud, a cloud with two balefire eyes. Garret stops abruptly, fists and teeth clenched. The song continues, muted, in the background. The lights, too, seem to dim. *What is it you want, Magus?* The mind voice is paper-whispery and full of bitterness. "My freedom." *That cannot be.* "You cannot have what you want. I offer an alternative." *Alternative?* The voice is suddenly full of pulsating, loathsome greed. The eyes flare suddenly. "Flesh." says Garret, the single word dropping into the silence like a stone thrown into a well. The cloud seems dissapointed. *This was not our agreement.* "Then you get nothing. Release me, and receive something of value." the Wizard folds his arms across his bare chest. "Your choice." *SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...Let me go. Let me go, and I will release you.* says the voice, with horrible eagerness. "No. I will not. This is my offer. Take it or leave it." Silence. Then, a grudging, *It must be the left.* "Fine. And you agree, in return, to release me from all obligations, now and forever? I want to hear you say it." *Yes.* "Very well." One of his knives is suddenly in his hand. He flips it blade-upward, the point dimpling the skin just under his left eye. With a sudden motion, he jerks the knife upward, sliding the tip under the eyeball and popping it out like a grape. Blood gouts down his cheek and splashes to the floor. Those nearby can hear the gristly grating sound the blade makes against the bone of his eyesocket. The mage himself doesn't flinch, or show the least indication of pain. His face is hard and set. He bends over slowly and retreives the eye from where it's fallen on the floor, as casually as if he was picking up a coin someone had dropped. With a flick of his wrist, he sends it flying into the cloud. There's a thick, liquid giggle from the creature, which shifts and ebbs with seeming pleasure. Garret tosses the knife to the floor. The entire lower left side of his face, and some of his upper chest, is covered in blood. His empty socket seems to stare horribly, even though there's no eye in it. "Now... go back to hell." The black cloud wavers, shifts, and dissolves, the stray wisps of it's substance flowing back into the dagger. the lights brighten, and the music ends. 13 Cocaine and word games and limited editions, and almost everyone believed him : Gegi, who has been watching this dialogue in fascinated confusion, shakes her head. "Then you know... who I am? What I am.. was... to here?" He nods gently, soft eyes of compassion hoping not to hurt. "How? How do you know me? What do you know of me?" "Victor and I were arguing one day, and I noticed him listening in, so I started listening back... I learnt a lot." She nods, obviously wishing to learn as well. "I thought you found your answers. I thought you were whole. I thought you were gone," she says. Michael looks at her sadly, "And what happens after all the happy endings? Life just goes on...", his solemnity breaks in a grin, "Like the energiser bunny..." "You have to stand behind the pillar, layout the snare, and click the hand icon with perfect timing..." she mumbles. He blinks, "Timing is everything...", he looks at her strangely, "I _know_ what you're talking about... Utter bizarrity..." She laughs. "Some people can never follow when I do that. But I love the ones that do... Synthea and Erehwon. That was so much -fun-..." "But yeah.", his voice almost breaks as he looks up through his hair and meets her eyes, "I thought so too... I thought so too, but none of it's that simple... Answers? I found more questions. Whole? I'm together, but hardly whole, I never even knew how I did what I did, or what it was exactly. Gone?", he smiles, "Gone? I did say I'd be back..." "A lot of people say that, and then vanish forever..." He nods sadly, but then smiles with feral determination, "But I'm Edge. And they can say a lot of things, but no-one can ever say they got me out of their life..." She smiles. "Promise?" He bites his bottom lip in thought (remarkably reminiscent of a ten year old girl), "I've been writing a song in my idle moments...", he starts to hum and then sings softly, and his voice found far more solo than any you have heard, his speaking voice seems a choir compared to this, an orchestra supports his every breath compared to this, you doubt you've ever heard anyone sound so alone: She winces. "Ophelia..." she whispers, as if groping for the name to hold onto. "Heaven help me, I feel like hell again All the good I ever did turned out to be a sin Until none of it remains; Washing away what will not stain, I become an ocean of pain I give myself up to the shame; An angel in nothing but name." As he sings a little girl cries. "The only day I ever lived was the day before I died. The only time I ever failed, the only time I tried. Until reaching out to touch your face, I slipped and fell into disgrace; Losing my way, I lost my place. I cast my wings unto the flame, An angel in nothing but name..." His voice trails off and the choir rushes back to fill in the gap till only a taint of loneliness remains in the air, "I think it describes us both in different ways..." Shelley rubs her eyes. Gegi says nothing, but her mind is filled with choruses, seeking the remembrances of being caught up in the music and made one with the other musicians. (How can you be alone in music, when music is to be everything...) Michael laughs and smiles again, stars shining behind the depths of his eyes, "You know me, Gegi, you used to know me... Use that as your starting point. Technically... Technically I probably count as a demon." "And technically I'm an Infernalist, but who's counting..." He explains, "I was one of the first to join the Lightbringer in his rebellion, to decry the chains the Lord inflicted upon humanity, to seek to bring fire to the masses, to set everyone free...", he shakes his head sadly, eyes lost searching inside himself, "I only wanted everyone to be free... And we sought to pull God from his throne, we were turned on by our brothers and thrown to earth, watched and slandered, despised and hunted all our days..." "I always preferred Duane - it was Duane, wasn't it? - her story, making Michael Prometheus, and the Bright -wishing- to grant the gift, not like the Greek gods..." Gegi says. Michael meets Gegi's eyes and smiles, "So, yeah, you could say I'm a demon in the classical sense... I was third or fourth of the fallen, but I always thought we were doing the right thing.", his eyes plead for understanding, "I was just trying to do the right thing... And though I'm technically a demon, I'm far nicer than any angel you'll ever meet...", he shudders, "Do you know what it's like to be an angel? If you ever had you'd pray you never met one..." "Surely in all the angels there must be an Aziraphale or two?" Her moment of fear has passed. Of course, demons were never truly frightening. Not to her. But they were, and they must be, and God must forgive, must... "The Winner of Graves?", he murmurs, and then asks, "Do you know why 'chelle always gives people such weird names? I've never been able to work it out... Victor's a lot better off than I... He just takes it all on faith..." "Faith is beautiful until it's broken." "To your pain," he said to Yelyana. "I envy you the focus..." "You want pain? I can give you pain." "Ah. Little lost one, but can you give me focus?" "The only focus is in the quest, in the journey... I have nothing to give." "What would you like?" She laughs. "Now -there'-s a question. I have most of what I wanted, don't I. I always do. I have adventure in the great wide somewhere. I've lost a love, or what might have been a love, but I can find another. I have a new beginning. I have only to wait for a teacher, a quest. I have everything." "Oblivion or Acension. They were supposed to be the only ways out..." she says. "But they're not... One leads back to the start, the other just starts another game..." "What good is timeless eternity? "Exactly my quandary..." "You're still in time, to some degree, at least." "It is the only way out, the only respite...but you cannot stay there forever, and so it is as if you never stayed there at all. Back into the game. Another turn on the wheel. Keep spinning so that you may never truly grasp the endlessness. When there is no hope, we'll simply have to destroy it all..." "Destroy it? But I love it all so very, very much..." "Sometimes one must give mercy to those that one loves..." The grin on his face is suddenly _far_ too Bavin for comfort, "But I know how to overturn the board... Talk to him? I can do far more than that... I can take him over." "Don't," she says, still soft-voiced, but determined. "I can't let you do that." "Gegi, Gegi, Gegi...", he shakes his head, "You can't stop me... "Georgina. My name is Georgina." "It's _allowed_... I've been doing some study on this whole thing, I've been reading the Black Dog game `Magician: The Pretension' and seeing all the news reports on people going crazy after playing it and killing their families and stuff... People _believe_ in creators being overcome by their creation... And we're already so close that only one person would probably notice and Harry's gonna take care of him anyway... I think it'll work." "I know they believe. I know it's allowed. And I fear that he might even let you." She pauses. "Hell, maybe he wants it that way. I don't know. Just don't hurt him. But you can't, unless he wants you to... but he can't, and I can't, and I musn't..." She winces and touches her temples. "I can't tell what's real anymore. Different-real. Not same. Is and isn't. How much am, am not? Jay-turning-falling-well-Evan-Emily-edhel-where am I?" 14 Chloe looks at Gegi. "I know all this, sir, but I believe it is of her doing, or at least part her responsibility. She's friends with demons, or something like that, and the last time she said she wanted to help me, she blinded me. "She doesn't seem particularly diabolic to me... and I believe she mentioned something to me about your vision being cursed? Was there something wrong with it before that? As if the curse on your sight was anything like this other weaving, it'd be quite easy to cause some nasty side-effects in trying to unweave it." "There was nothing wrong with my vision before the lady came here." Chloe obviously feels foolish, "It was just frightening and nightmarish after, sir, monsters where kind people stood, violence where gentleness was. I couldn't think straight, couldn't piece things together right! The way she talked, sir, so softly, so familiarly, I just thought... well maybe she knew me when I was little. Except that she talked sort of... in my head, almost." She winces, "I didn't like it all." Realizing it sounds kind of silly, "I'm not insane, she did!" "Twisted vision, so that the good seem bad, and bad seem good? Sounds like a Corruption-trick, if ever I've heard one." says Astarial. "The bad seems good?" She bites her lip for a moment. "That would mean Gegi and Garret and that little one..." "Don't judge too quickly. That may be what you're -meant- to think..." says Gegi. "What exactly -did- you see, Chlo? You never quite said..." "Well, I did say what Mahri and Rowan, Rowan right in my lap!, Padriac and Aetna looked like, right?" a shiver of rememberance runs through her spine. "Malcolm and Jean looked normal, though. You and Garret looked normal, kind and gentle, welcoming almost. And Kao-liang, whenever I turned away, sort of morphed into that awful man I told you about, at the estate and then on the street, and in all those dreams? Rhiannon--" she blushes, feeling foolish, "she looked just like I do, but with this lovely child in her arms. Illyana and Mauritz were fine as well, except with fangs. Most of the magicians-mages, whatever, and the rest just looked awfully, horridly threatening: Paul like if I'd ever been alone with him, would have, well, you know. And Simon...well, Simon must just think I'm a lunatic, given what I accused him of." She looks towards the bane with a restrained I-still-care-very-much-about-your-safety-and-wellbeing-but-my-lips-touched-that-thing!! look on her face. She doesn't say anything, though. "How very, very strange... -not- just a simple bad seems good and good seems bad, then..." says Gegi. Astarial continues examining her. "There is definitely something wrong here. I don't think it's an actual taint of your soul, if that helps. As far as I can tell, it's... well..." He pauses, trying to find a good way to put this. "Before I try and explain, how familiar are you with arcane theory and terminology?" She glances away and shakes her head sadly. "I'm sorry, sir, I don't know of such things." "That's all right. I'll simplify." He smiles. "Oh, and please call me Astarial, and I'll call you Chloe, if I may? After all, if you keep calling me sir, I'll have to call you m'lady, and won't that be a fine mess o' formality?" "Formality sometimes avoids messes, I believe, but I don't have to use it if you would prefer otherwise." She smiles at him, indicating she would probably prefer otherwise as well. He nods. "I could try to restore your eyesight, if you'd like me to? I'd quite understand if you would prefer otherwise - after all, you don't know me - but I would like to help, if I could." She looks at him for a long moment before replying. "I suppose if you wanted to harm me, you could have done already, right? And I don't know anyone else to prefer, and I so want to be healed..." "All right. Let me tell you what has happened to you. from what I can tell, it looks as if someone - presumably this 'lady'? - has woven a magical effect around your Pattern - the essence of yourself, I mean; you might call it a soul. It's very complex, and unfortunately I can't be sure what it does without much more time to examine it. However, it's dormant at the moment; as far as I can tell, you'd probably have to will it to awaken yourself." He shakes his head. "Unfortunately, it's very tightly wound around your self. Attempting to unweave... to get rid of it would probably be very dangerous for you. I'd be reluctant to try it, without more information." "Better to leave it," advises Gegi. "How do you know?" asks Chloe suspiciously. "If it's part of you, pulling at it might make you unravel... the surest way to cleanse is to kill, they say..." Gegi's hand gropes absently for the medallion around her neck. "It won't do anything unless she wants it to." Her voice is strange, confused, her eyes following the motion in the room with a slight delay. (Phase... out... how do I know? What do I know?) Chloe takes the crystal handed her by Karieta, and looks at it, frightened. Astarial looks extremely worried, almost wringing his hands. "Chloe, I really wouldn't suggest using that crystal, or even handling it too much! Or at least let me or some other mage in here examine it carefully first. While it may bring back this 'Dark Lady', I'd be almost certain that it has some other effect that's probably a lot worse - quite possibly awakening the one in you! My people use crystals a lot, and believe me, there're a lot of malign uses they can be turned to." She handles it like a hot potato, and having no other place for it, drops it in her pocket. "What if examining it is harmful to you? I wouldn't want that to happen, sir. Do you think... do you think perhaps the crystal would 'activate' whatever blackness is tied to my self? But--" she holds her head in her hands, "What options remain?" Chloe looks at Gegi worriedly. "Gegi, what do you think I should do?" Gegi flinches. "Don't ask me!" she says forcefully. Then, more quietly, "To refuse to serve the powers is to become a tool of the powers. To agree to serve the powers is to become the powers. Beware the choice, beware refusing it..." She shivers. 15 I made it a song about freedom : "Victor and I were arguing one day, and I noticed him listening in, so I started listening back... I learnt a lot." She nods, obviously wishing to learn as well. "It's a bit've a shock to discover you aren't as high up the food chain as you thought." "So who's eating at you?" she smiles. She laughs. "Some people can never follow when I do that. But I love the ones that do... Synthea and Erehwon. That was so much -fun-..." "Erewhon...", Michael smiles, "There's a man with his head on his shoulders. A good place to keep it." "Don't you want to take off your head?" she misquotes, then smiles and starts to say, "T-" and cuts off with a look at Bavin. "I have to stop doing that." She says nothing, but her mind is filled with choruses, seeking the remembrances of being caught up in the music and made one with the the musicians. (How can you be alone in music, when music is to be everything...) The eyes hiding behind his hair, if they could be met, would say that when we are everything there is nothing left. Becoming one with all, we become the loneliest we will ever be. Perhaps, just perhaps, he begins to understand how God feels. Love. Unity. Has to be. To join, to be carried away, carried in. Desire. "Technically... Technically I probably count as a demon." "And technically I'm an Infernalist, but who's counting..." "How close is it to Tax-time?" "I don't have to file, and even if I did, I just pull someone else's strings..." Her eyes unfocus a little. "March. No, September. Ouch." "Duane?", he questions, "Who's Duane? All the gods I've ever met were selfish bastards... Even us..." "Diane Duane. The author." She pauses. "Selfish, yes, but not all cold... I did love them. Even the ones I destroyed. And I always tried to heal them. It saddened me to create a plague I couldn't cure... but I still did it." She shakes her head. "Surely in all the angels there must be an Aziraphale or two?" Her moment of fear has passed. Of course, demons were never truly frightening. Not to her. But they were, and they must be, and God must forgive, must... Never must. That he does is what makes it mercy. "But far more Gabriels..." Mercy. Vulcan justice. What is given must be earned. "The trumpet sounds..." "What would you like?" She laughs. "Now -there'-s a question. I have most of what I wanted, don't I. I always do. I have adventure in the great wide somewhere. I've lost a love, or what might have been a love, but I can find another. I have a new beginning. I have only to wait for a teacher, a quest. I have everything." "What would you like to _give_?", he clarifies, though with obvious appreciation of her answer. She nods, having suspected as much before but chosen to answer otherwise. "Love. Healing. Help." "What good is timeless eternity? "Exactly my quandary..." "You're still in time, to some degree, at least." "If it was timeless, it wouldn't be eternity... Would it?" "It can't be eternity unless it is timeless. To be outside of time. Unchanging, never dying. No way out." "Destroy it? But I love it all so very, very much..." he says. "Sometimes one must give mercy to those that one loves..." "And sometimes they must give mercy to you..." "When the time comes." "I can take him over." "Don't," she says, still soft-voiced, but determined. "I can't let you do that." "Gegi, Gegi, Gegi...", he shakes his head, "You can't stop me... "Georgina. My name is Georgina." He blinks, genuine confusion, "I'm sorry.", he states with sincerity, "You never said... Georgina...", he tries it out shyly. She smiles. (Blush? I never blush. A sparkle in the eye, a tiny hint of pink, and a face that hurts afterwards from muscles pulled tight in the smile.) "I know they believe. I know it's allowed. And I fear that he might even let you." She pauses. "Hell, maybe he wants it that way. I don't know. Just don't hurt him. But you can't, unless he wants you to... but he can't, and I can't, and I musn't..." She winces and touches her temples. "I can't tell what's real anymore. Different-real. Not same. Is and isn't. How much am, am not? Jay-turning-falling-well-Evan-Emily-edhel-where am I?" "You are here." "I am here. I choose to be here." "Start with that and take a step at a time." "Once more over the cliff..." "And as for what he thinks... He thinks he's making all this up. He thinks it's all theoretical and mildly amusing." "No." "He's got another think coming." "No." 16 "I..." she looks around. "I don't know where to go from here. I have no teacher, no past, no plans. Much as I love the Pub, I don't think I can stay here forever..." "KA-CHING! Someone need a mentor? Never done it before, but I'll show yer the ropes if you like luv," calls out a man across the Pub. She eyes him warily, although a smile is threatening to escape. "They always said to be very careful of strange men who offer to instruct you in the craft... particularly when ropes are mentioned." Bavin sighs, and polishes his fingernails on his tunic front, then inspects them carefully. "I _could_ show you somewhere to stay, far away from most who might wish to harm you. Or show you to another near Level 1 world, only different in that you were never born there, and fake up some documentation so you could slip in..." "I don't -want- to be back there. If I did, I wouldn't have come through to here in the first place." "But the question is, what do you want to do? What do you feel you need to do to make your life significant and important, to _you_, not anyone else that is!" "Help." She smiles. "The most dangerous thing of all." "You _have_ a past, that is what memories are for, for balancing who you were with who you are." "I just meant that in terms of this reality, my past isn't valid..." She blinks and looks at Gabby, who is leaving. "Wait a sec. Yes, it is. I exist out there, too. And I'm on the wrong side. She's Dauntain..." She looks confused. "Do I have an obligation to myself to try and right that, or would it be dangerous to both of us to run into eachother, do you think?" 17 Garret heals the bloody hole, leaving an empty socket, and dons an eyepatch provided thoughtfully by Bavin. He plucks the knife from the table. "May you find form and purpose in your next incarnation, Astaaroth." With that, he tosses the dagger towards the metallic cat, and steps back towards the bar, watching curiously. "All yours, Lady May." "I..." Gegi looks around. "I don't know where to go from here. I have no teacher, no past, no plans. Much as I love the Pub, I don't think I can stay here forever..." Garret leans back, watching her. "No. You can't." Hesitantly, he says, "I could teach you...a few things. Show you a few things. How to use your powers responsibly. I can show you some different views, some different paths. I am *not* asking you to join the Euthanatos. You have to feel called to do our work, we don't recruit that way. I'm not asking if you want a formal tutor, either...we'll leave that open. You should probably talk to the other magi here as well, listen to what they have to say, and be aware that what I show and tell you is colored by my own biases." He looks at her expectantly. The little girl, Michael's sister, starts to softly sing, dancing in little circles, "Teacher, teacher, burning bright, Showing path in darkest night..." Gegi looks at Garret. "I would be honored to learn anything you had to teach," she says shyly, not sure what the proper words are, not sure how formal to be, afraid to show how very much she wants his help. He nods. "Very well." He looks thoughtful. "Do you feel up to a trip? I can tell you about what I do, and what it means to me, but I think it will be more effective if I show you."