The journal continues, in blue ink, the handwriting small and 
clear. 

	It's so hard to believe that he's gone. I know that he is, but 
knowing and accepting are different things. Like with Becky. Cry though I 
may, until I see the body some part of me resists. And I can't see him. If 
there's even anything left to identify. I just don't know.
	We were such good friends so quickly. We were well matched, 
really. We had a lot in common, and complemented each other iin other 
ways. He was such a _good_ person. A good counterpoint to my dark side, he 
said so himself. We squabbled a little, but only in good fun. The bracer 
and the rain god/goddess argument was mostly in jest... and who else would 
speak of jest, or call me a lass? He was someone that I knew from outside 
of this madness, and who knew less about it than I did, good to talk to, 
to work out ideas. I'm sure he understands so much now. If I could go 
back, maybe I could reach him. But I can't.
	Maybe it was selfish of me to enjoy his company. I knew something 
would happen to him - we weren't meant to be eight. I did try to send him 
home, to Linda who loved him, whom he loved. No, I didn't try. I just 
suggested. Maybe I should have pushed harder. I knew better. I did 
nothing. I did nothing before and I did nothing then.  I waited too long 
to cross the street. I held back. I don't know if I could have helped, 
because I didn't try.
	We had so much left to do, to learn. Storms, for you. Runes, for 
you. I don't even know how to read them. {Three runes are sketched here.} 
They may not be attuned to me right anymore, after I dumped out the pouch 
to use in a costume. I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I wish I could have done 
better.

	A break in the text, and then it resumes, in darker, larger writing.

	"Just let me rule you, and I will give you everything. Only fear me,
love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
	"You have no power over me..."
	Jareth + Sarah, Labyrinth

	The demons were really stupid. They went about everything the 
wrong way. We're on the same side, probably, trying to save the world - if 
we're all dead, we're not sinning, and we're not suffering. They should be 
helping us. Like Crowley and Aziraphale. Unfortunately, they didn't bother 
to ask my opinion. How does one go about contacting an intelligent 
infernal being?
	Dagon didn't ask questions, just demanded that I obey and warned 
me of the consequences if I didn't. I passed on the warnings to the others 
in the car - not really trying to persuade them, but offering the option 
if they wanted it, and hoping to make it seem to the demons that I wasn't 
against them.
	Nobody's side but my own. Is that it? When we got out of the 
building, the second Enedel flew to us (same winged form) dragging the 
first entangled in the black chain net. It was Jay, Joe, and I - the 
others had gone looking for a priest. I had Cuthbert's cross, which I was 
using to help shield my mind. Elf-1 told us to place the cross against 
the chains and think of them separating, think of freedom. Then Dagon 
started in again, stronger than before. I was trying to free the elf, and 
it was starting to work. He - the demon, I should stop saying the name - 
warned me that I was running out of chances. When that didn't throw me, he 
said that what I was doing - freeing the elf - would be my undoing. And 
Jay's.
	I am my own undoing - I said that to the elf once, and he agreed. 
Born with my death in me. But I do not appreciate having the fates of 
others lumped onto my head. Jay's tried to break me of the habit of 
blaming myself for what happens - and may happen - to them. It was a low 
blow, a crude attempt to use my feelings for him to twist me into doing 
what the demons wanted. But demons don't lie. I had forgotten that. He 
told the truth, as best he knew it. Even if the truth is as slippery as a 
lie, and as hard to interpret as the backwards man. Crude, but it set me 
back. For a moment, I stalled. I held the chains in place. But it wasn't 
my choice to make. I knew that even if I had the time to tell Jay what I 
knew, and why it mattered, he would choose to proceed. Knowing what we do 
of Enedel, he had to be freed, because he had been. It was not mine to 
prevent. I said nothing. But I did not take the responsibility. I stepped 
back, gave the cross to Jay, and let him finish it. His fate in his hands. 
I love him, but that doesn't give me the right to choose for him. You 
can't decide what risks someone else takes. You can only advise.
	Jeremy knew that too. He knew what he was doing when he leapt for 
an enemy far stronger than he. If nothing else, the demon would have told 
him. I could not have stopped him any more than he can stop me now. He 
died nobly, in battle. It sounds silly, melodramatic, storybook-like, but 
he and I were storybook people. Maybe he would have liked this ending.